I have been really loud and "violent" towards my children. I can't control my anger. I will shout at them and slap their hands, pinch them and even cane them with the hanger. I am not able to control my anger at this point in time. No more PMS though. I think it is due to the stress that has been accumulating in me.
Yesterday, on the way back from hubs shop. My boy crying in his babyseat, my girls playing, pushing each other. Told them to stop before someone gets hurt but as usual, they never listen. My 2nd girl fell and her back hit the gear. I told her to sit behind, she refused to move. I pushed her, pinch her and scolded her but she refused to move. During all this commotion, my boy stopped crying and starred at me. He knew mommy is very angry. Then he fell asleep.
In my anger, I cried. Clarissa went to sit behind. Some how or rather, she sense that I was crying, she came beside me and call me gently, "Mommy. Mommy." Then there were silence in the car until we arrived home.