I am reading a book titled "And The Seed Grew" by Paul & Nathalie Means. They wrote about the mission work among the Sengoi in Pahang from 1921 - 1981. After reading a few chapters and reading about death to the misionaries' wife and the missionaries themselves, I go home and tell my husband "Dear, I do not want to die in the mission field, especially after giving birth!"
Pondering back to the statement above, I realised that I am not ready to be martyr for Christ! All this while, since I accepted the marriage proposal, I thought I am ready to follow my husband to wherever God calls him to go! I am ready to follow my husband but I am not ready to die for Christ yet! How leh??? When can I be ready? Will I ever be ready? What to do???